Actions Speak Louder

If you go to the very bottom of my Photo Gallery library, you will see a few black and white photos of a very short time when my dad’s house was clean.  One of them is a picture of a script my dad was practicing for kid’s service, and in big print in the middle of the page was the following phrase:

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

I don’t know if my dad would have gone on to explain to several elementary children the meaning of that phrase, but I know that it meant a lot to me (hence me setting it up for a photo).  You can say all that you want, but unless you do something about the things that trouble you, nothing will ever be accomplished.  Conviction means more than speaking against the things that you don’t agree with, but becoming an opposing force to that thing.

A fight broke out right next to me at my school on Friday, and the majority of the day was spent with people complaining about how horrible the conditions of this school are and how stupid people can be.  I have a great amount of respect for my Spanish teacher, who mentioned that while there are a lot of problems, it is pathetic and outrageous that the senior class is doing nothing but complaining about other people.

When I Hear God’s Voice: Amidst Destruction

In government class, we have been watching a video for a couple of days about the Constitutional Convention in which the constitution was built.  In it was a massive amount of arguing over one tiny concept: How much voting power would each state hold?  For obvious reasons, small states wanted one vote per state and larger states wanted the number of votes to be determined by population.  This argument took place for several weeks, nearly daily (I would assume), and no consensus could be reached.  All that happened were large arguments causing the convention to go around in circles, making very little progress.  It took a long while for a far-from-unanimous vote to be made on the system we have today—a system that has lasted for more than 200 years and, despite corruption, economic downfall, and circumstances far from predictable at that time, is still strong and at this point has next to no opposition.

Earlier, I’d posted on how things on my dad’s side of the family were falling apart.  I’ve done a lot of thinking since all of this started, and I think I’m done pitying and blaming myself because getting me a car and insurance was one of the bigger sparks of this engulfing fire.  Today, I broke.  I talked to my dad and my sister did too.  I can at least say that we tried to.  It was hard for any three of us to come up with the words we needed to say, and I don’t think my dad fully understood us nor am I sure that we fully understood him.  Like the constitutional convention, these past few weeks have have seemingly been making no progress.  I still can’t find the words to describe what exactly is going on at dad’s, and this is something that I need to think and journal about on my own, but it is very obvious that there is a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with, and no matter how I think of it, I can imagine it not being a long, painful, drawn out process and, God willing, a healing of the same sort.

Entitlement

Today, school is closed, and I’ve somewhat reached an epiphany.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it on the blog or not, but I have a huge problem with my priorities conflicting with each other.  I want to be someone who can go through a lot to achieve a goal, and stays calm even when pushed to the very edge.  (The fact that I’m NOT this probably shows my lack of faith in God.)  However, I also don’t want to be pushed to the edge to the point where I don’t appreciate what God has blessed me with.  These weird emotions have led to me not making the wisest decisions—for example, I just beat Portal: Prelude, but it cost me a huge chunk of my day, which I could be using to read the Bible, catch up on homework (or even get ahead), or blog.

I think part of this mess is the fact that I feel a large sense of entitlement.  That’s probably where many of the major problems with my generation come from.  I feel entitled to a “good” life, and if I don’t get over expecting so much of life and God, I’m going to end up in a world of hurt.

Falling Apart

If there was one thing I didn't know how to invest very well, I admit that it would be my time.  I've gotten nothing done this weekend, even in the few hours I had to myself.

Today, we went over to my grandma's to look at my car, and we ended up talking about my dad's side of the family.  Usually, those kinds of conversations make me uncomfortable, but I had a lot to say on this topic.   The only time I was uncomfortable was when the word "worthless" was used in reference to someone there.  It's falling apart. I don't want to go into much detail, but I see everything working together worse than the nation's economy—which makes sense because we need people to actually contribute to it for it to thrive.

I'm at fault, too, mostly because I'm playing no part.  I think and hope God can do great things with this.  All I know is I'm not taking as much action for broken lives and relationships as I need to be.

The Bread of Man Gone Stale

I realize it’s ironic that I’m about to write about coffee considering the fact that I am reading the Daily Grind, but I want to talk about coffee nonetheless.  For Christmas this year, my mom got a Keurig coffee maker in which you make whole cups of coffee by filling a container with water, putting a premade little cup in the cup holder, and pressing a button.  You can have a cup of coffee within two minutes by just putting a cup in and pressing a button.  (My sister’s boyfriend also has one at his house and probably would like me to advise you that you still have to add the sugar and creamer.)

The very first morning we were going back to school from Christmas break, I signed a mental pact with myself stating that I would limit the number of days I would use it to make a cup of coffee and keep me awake.  Beforehand, I decided that I would not rely to heavily on artificial means to keep me awake.  Today?  Today is just one of those days where I need to make myself a cup of coffee.

Killing the Internet vs. Killing Christ

It’s possible that I shouldn’t be blogging right now.  I’ve haven’t slept well all week and I still have a project to finish.  But I hate having thoughts and not being able to write them down. 

It’s rather ironic, though.  I spend more time on the internet than I do with God—and it’s probably more important to me that they’re killing the internet with SOPA and PIPA than it is that they have killed Christ and, no matter what, I can live life to the fullest with that.