Love

I need to go to bed soon, but I haven't made a post in forever, and I need to make one.

And this one is going to be about something that has been on my mind a lot lately: love; especially with the youth of my generation today.

Obviously, there's a lot that teens today don't understand that they should. In fact, it's so obvious, I can't even name it. It's like trying to prove that something is blue. But I think there is so much that the adults--the authority of the teens--don't understand as well that they should. Maybe I'll blog about that later.

But I wanna talk about my perspective on love. It's not just because my youth pastor is talking about it in church (although that may have been in part what triggered it). But what has really triggered it is the fact that all of my friends are really falling flat on their face, especially the girls.

First of all, guys, let me say that women are not toys. They are not something you take pride in. Yes, a girl loves it when you go around saying, "I'm in love with [putnamehere], and she is awesome!" but they don't exactly enjoy it when you tell your "bud's" in the locker room, "Man I am so going to hit that." and take pride in how fine your girl's ass is. My pastor really puts that in a good perspective, too. He says that the way relationships are, especially with girls, they hold on to whatever is there because they don't wanna break up. Often, the relational part has disappeared, and the only thing left to hold on to is the physicality.

And that's what we've turned relationships into today. A lot of us, at least. We have a boy/girl by our sides, that means we love them. "The more time I spend with him, the more he loves me. I feel so loved. This is what it's all about." The truth is, it really isn't. I've seen so many of my friends fall looking for love. It's because they're looking for a guy/girl that will love them enough to be considered boyfriend and girlfriend. Often, it gets old, and once again it all goes bad because it's like two magnets that are both the same (meaning they are being repelled from each other) trying to be pushed together. It really hurts when you have to risk so much just to keep your relationship that's hanging by a thread. I love that my youth pastor is doing this series, because he gives me so much to support this with.

He gave me this idea, and I will pass it on to you. This is what I want you to do:

• Imagine the best guy/girl for you. You can think about the looks, but I really would like you to think of the personality. Think deep.
• Imagine the perfect date that you could possibly go on. What would make you the most happy?
• After reading this bullet, for a few minutes, close your eyes, and think about you going on this perfect date with this totally ideal guy/girl. Think about the good times, and how he/she treats you, and everything.

You think about it? Now that you have this in your mind, I have a question for you.

Why would you settle for something less?

That is kind of what is messed up about our youth and dating. We're sorta just looking for something to fill our void; and I know, because I've done it.

But in my experience, I've learned a lot, and there are three really important things I think teens should know.

1. In a healthy relationship, there is equal risk and equal compromise. For example, if the girl is giving her all for the guy to love her, it won't go well. If both are holding from each other things that they fear might hurt the other person, that will not go well either; there is no risk at all.
2. In your teen years, it's not really about getting yourself ready to be married to a certain person, it's about finding what you like. I'm not saying go on a date and ditch, but you really learn a lot if you give yourself the opportunity to.
3. Marriage and dating are not the same thing. Melissa Marksberry (A.K.A. Mell) from Remedy.FM gave me some advice that I also would like to tell you. Relationships were made the way they were for a reason, you aren't supposed to give 100% to someone you think you will may. Once you get in a relationship, you should give about 20-40%. By the time you're engaged, you still want to keep it to about 80%; you don't want to give that 100% until you are married.

Relationships aren't made to be the easiest thing ever, and break-ups won't be either. If they are, I'm a bit concerned. But you should not be in a relationship where you are being torn apart or have bad thoughts about it. Just think about the context of things. Relationships should mean love.

In summary, don't go out looking for someone to love you. Wait for love to find you; if God wills it, it will happen.

EDIT:

Just to add to that third point, the more you give of yourself, the more it's like glue. You are gluing yourself to that person to become one, and that especially comes in with marriage. If you give so much of yourself to someone, you are glued together, and you end up ripped up when one pulls apart.