Untitled Hiatus

I know that I randomly stopped posting, and it all comes from the lack of balance of things in my life.  But I have to be honest and say that this past weekend was probably one of the worst weekends of my life and will probably be bothering me for a while.

First of all, with school starting it being my senior year, I am having more expectations thrown at me than ever before and it's making everything lately all the more harder to handle.  I know it's not impossible for me to handle, but it does make it extremely difficult.  For example, I spent a greater part of Saturday working on homework.

I also intended on spending a greater part of Saturday reading the Bible, but every time I tried to do that, someone would manage to make me angry.  This weekend, I've had different people, in completely unrelated circumstances, tell me either directly or subliminally that everything I have ever done for them has been completely useless.  I seriously lost control of myself that night to the point where I was cursing at my undeserving girlfriend, so I had decided to go to bed at that point.  (See sub-post)

As far as family, I don't want to say too much about that, but it has not been going well at all.  The best way I can explain it that the body parts are somewhat acting out of place.  Legs trying to be the arms, arms thinking they're the face.  (Yes, I just quoted a Lecrae song--a family should be a body.)  It got to the point where I had no intention of staying on Monday.

On Sunday, the once-every-two-weeks opportunity I can look forward to actually lifting God's name up in song other than in the shower, it was actually one of the most useless worship services of my life.  Not because of the church building or because of God, but because I was still angry.  I still learned quite a bit during the service (and probably need to go over the notes at some point tonight), and God did work into my heart a bit during that, but almost immediately from leaving the building, Satan came in and tore it all down.

And my Bible reading has been lagging as well.  I am several days behind on the plan that I am reading for a grade--but I am not giving up yet.  I still need to try harder, because I am learning that my dependency on God is not as big as it should be.

That's the big idea I had when I started this blog and called it "Running in God's Hands."  Although I'm not much of a runner as I was when it started, the metaphor still applies.  Sometimes, I find myself running around looking for the very thing that's right under my feet: the Hands of God.  I am in God's Hands, and as long as I live, I will never leave.