Entitlement

Today, school is closed, and I’ve somewhat reached an epiphany.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it on the blog or not, but I have a huge problem with my priorities conflicting with each other.  I want to be someone who can go through a lot to achieve a goal, and stays calm even when pushed to the very edge.  (The fact that I’m NOT this probably shows my lack of faith in God.)  However, I also don’t want to be pushed to the edge to the point where I don’t appreciate what God has blessed me with.  These weird emotions have led to me not making the wisest decisions—for example, I just beat Portal: Prelude, but it cost me a huge chunk of my day, which I could be using to read the Bible, catch up on homework (or even get ahead), or blog.

I think part of this mess is the fact that I feel a large sense of entitlement.  That’s probably where many of the major problems with my generation come from.  I feel entitled to a “good” life, and if I don’t get over expecting so much of life and God, I’m going to end up in a world of hurt.

As much as it hurts me to think of it, I really need to push myself.  Hard.  I’m constantly telling a certain person that she needs to face the things that scare her, and I need to do the same things for myself.  I need to start pushing myself to the edge and going outside of my comfort zone.  I need to stop complaining about my problems (another sign of that sense of entitlement) and just get over it.

I heard a quote once that has stuck with me for the longest time: In order to change the world, you need to first change yourself.  Consider this an effort to stop the sense of entitlement found in my generation.  Everyone feels they deserve something and it is unjust if they don’t get it.  Now that I’m thinking about it, it makes sense that this leads to heartache along with rash and self-centered decisions.  What’s more, it can completely damage your walk with Christ.

More reading: Genesis 29:15-30, Genesis 30:25-43, Genesis 31:1-42