In government class, we have been watching a video for a couple of days about the Constitutional Convention in which the constitution was built. In it was a massive amount of arguing over one tiny concept: How much voting power would each state hold? For obvious reasons, small states wanted one vote per state and larger states wanted the number of votes to be determined by population. This argument took place for several weeks, nearly daily (I would assume), and no consensus could be reached. All that happened were large arguments causing the convention to go around in circles, making very little progress. It took a long while for a far-from-unanimous vote to be made on the system we have today—a system that has lasted for more than 200 years and, despite corruption, economic downfall, and circumstances far from predictable at that time, is still strong and at this point has next to no opposition.
Earlier, I’d posted on how things on my dad’s side of the family were falling apart. I’ve done a lot of thinking since all of this started, and I think I’m done pitying and blaming myself because getting me a car and insurance was one of the bigger sparks of this engulfing fire. Today, I broke. I talked to my dad and my sister did too. I can at least say that we tried to. It was hard for any three of us to come up with the words we needed to say, and I don’t think my dad fully understood us nor am I sure that we fully understood him. Like the constitutional convention, these past few weeks have have seemingly been making no progress. I still can’t find the words to describe what exactly is going on at dad’s, and this is something that I need to think and journal about on my own, but it is very obvious that there is a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with, and no matter how I think of it, I can imagine it not being a long, painful, drawn out process and, God willing, a healing of the same sort.
When I opened Windows Live Writer (what I use to make most of my posts) before I talked to my dad, I’d planned on talking about hearing God’s voice. In my catching up with my Bible plan and especially in the readings of The One Year Daily Grind, I’ve been reading a lot on how God speaks and how to listen to him doing so. I decided in first period today that I’m going to keep a series of three lists and constantly add to it. The top of each list only has the acronyms of what they are, as followed: Things I Just Want To Scream At People on one side, and both Ways I Hear God’s Voice and Ways I Don’t. Even before what happened with my dad, these lists proved to be extremely helpful. What happened tonight has given me one more thing to add to the list of ways I hear God’s voice: Amidst Destruction.
Right now, I have God to thank for an unusual amount of calmness and hope despite all of the chaos that has happened, is happening, and is bound to happen. Everything is tough and, as I’d said, I know it will be a long, painful, drawn out process. But in the midst of all that is happening, I can hear God just telling me, “It’s okay. I have an amazing plan. This is the beginning of some great things.” I know God doesn’t promise eternal happiness, but I’ve never been so sure that God will be with me and get me through whatever this situation brings, and it may bring some people closer than ever before.
I know it won’t be easy. I know that, because there are no trials or hardships facing me right now, there is nothing to try to bring down my hope. But even now, my faith in God is growing and, through my spiritual journey, I’ve heard several metaphors for one simple concept: In order fix anything in your life, God first needs to break it apart. I feel that this is him starting to do that.
I don’t know if many people read my blog—and if anyone does, I don’t think a lot of people would be willing to read down this far. This isn’t my regular post, and I realize that. But if you have reached this far, and you are willing, I would like to ask that you pray for my family, including myself. Especially for my two sisters. I don’t see such a strong reliance in God with much of my family, but my two sisters need God—the God I know—more than anything, and lack him just as much.
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